Through and through, I love being a mom…

There is something really great that’s happened over the years. Being openly real, vulnerable and honest has become popular. None of us like fake, and we all appreciate real.

In my opinion, though, at times we overly project our flaws, failures, dislikes, pet-peeves, imperfections of ourselves, our family members and our relationships in an attempt to be real. It is almost a sin to say or believed a lie if a woman says she is happy in her marriage, adores her kids or enjoys something that many people do not.

I think being vulnerable about my weaknesses and allowing people to see and know me in a deep and more whole way is important. I, also, believe the best relationships are created through vulnerability. AND I believe it is ok to love certain aspects of life and to share those parts as well. If I only share my flaws, frustrations and fears, I am not sharing a large part of myself.

All that to say…I LOVE being a mom! Specifically a mom to Manning, Rhythm, Tapestry, Cherish, Liberty, Jubilee, Mercy, Treasure, River and Bravely. I smile and laugh so many times a day being surrounded by all these unique, precious and fun personalities in each of our kids. I, also, cry, get angry, feel inadequate, don’t know how to handle certain situations, and often question if I am making the best choice. Our kids sometimes have negative attitudes, have fears, and have issues along the way that we do our best to work through. Also, our kids are fun, smart, cute, funny, creative and precious. We have great conversations. We play a lot of games. We all enjoy music. We like going on walks. We all love new adventures. We bicker, we laugh, we cry, we love.

I could have never dreamed of having the life I have. When I say that, I don’t mean it’s a fairy-tale. I have lived through so many hard times, seasons and moments. Everyday something is difficult. Nothing goes as planned ever (EVER) in a family of twelve, but we have to plan or absolutely nothing would ever get accomplished. I used to dissect myself to death. I picked apart my every flaw and perceived failure. I loved my kids with all my heart, but I did not feel like a good mom. I was too imperfect and I couldn’t keep my kids always happy and at peace. I still struggle, more mildly, with these thoughts and feelings, and I cannot honestly say that I believe I am a good mom or a bad mom. But, ultimately, I have come to accept that regardless of good or bad, I am a mom who loves my children more than I could possibly express. I genuinely enjoy them. I truly see each one as utterly precious. I would do most anything to show my kids love. Sometimes that is a spoken, “I love you so much.” Sometimes it’s a “no” or discipline, which is hard but coming from so much love. Sometimes it’s a conversation, just listening, a walk, a game played, a life-lesson taught, a prayer, an encouraging or validating word or a big-ole hug.

I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a Jesus-lover. I like to work and bring in money in some way even though my husband is happy to fully provide. I enjoy design, organization and restoring old things to new. I like talking, writing and expressing myself deeply and vulnerably. I love offering hope to the hopeless, being a friend to the friendless and noticing the unnoticed. I am also a mom. Of all that I am and all that I do, truly being a mom is one of the absolute greatest joys of my life. And it is one of the most precious gifts I’ve ever been given.

I am sensitive in knowing that Mother’s Day is not happy, easy or good for everyone or in all seasons. It’s a hard day for those who’ve lost a mom or a child. It’s devastating for those who’ve wanted to become a mom so badly, and it hasn’t happened. It’s difficult for those who have strained relationships with their mom or child. It is painful for those with a mom who has never been there, whether physically or emotionally. It’s gutting for those who’ve been neglected or abused by a mom. It’s sad and even heartbreaking for moms who feel they’ve failed their child or children. If any of these are you, I pray you know that you are loved today. That there is hope for today and for the future. There is possibility of and hope for restored relationships, even in the most broken or damaged ones. And there is light in the darkness.

And there are moms who never thought they’d get to be a mom, but it happened. There are people who didn’t think they’d have another year with their mom or their child, but they did. There are those who have restored relationships. Those who do have kids, and who are just really thankful for them. If that’s you, today is a good day. Soak it up, know you, too, are loved, and be blessed with a very happy Mother’s Day.

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